And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
