I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
