I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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