i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
