Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
