Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
