when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
