i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize