apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
they're like a gay fantastic four
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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