i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
