I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
