I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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