He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize
