I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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