As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize