Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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