I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
