If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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