WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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