Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
