Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
