I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
