i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize