There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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