you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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