I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
