Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
