Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There's always time for handjobs
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
