I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The uberlube is also flammable
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i think my cat just said my name.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
