Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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