thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
