And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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