I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
