This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
