You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
