i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
