Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
