I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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