Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
