Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
