he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
