I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
