I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
