I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
