You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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