Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
