my being single is dangerous.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize