So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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