I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
