so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
