what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
