I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
