Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
