I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
