Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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