Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He? As in you personified your dick?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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