There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
