Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
