i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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