it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
it was like eating out sand paper
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
