We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
