How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
