Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
