i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
