So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
