I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
