did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i've created a new STD.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
