Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
