In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I need water and some morals
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
