I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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