If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
