He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
it glows. i had to have it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
