Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
