Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
