jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
